I Need
by Holland1945
Summary: A small bottle clinked softly as it was withdrawn from Dr. Reid’s messenger bag. He lifted his eyes to the mirror and did not recognize the person who peered back at him." Reid is facing his fears and addictions with renewed strength. COMPLETE. 3/3
1. I could use some help

**Disclaimer**: I do not own anything, nor do I claim anything as mine!

**Author's note**: This is my first fanfiction of serious means... I do hope there is not too much wrong

with it and I am open to constructive criticism.

**Word count: **Story is approximately 655 words.

A small bottle clinked softly as it was withdrawn from Dr. Reid's messenger bag. He lifted his eyes to the mirror and did not recognize the person who peered back at him. Those eyes were duller and more defined with noticeable darker shades of skin under the lashes.

This was his second trip into an unoccupied men's restroom to stare thoughtfully at the glass container of Dilaudid. His fingers lightly stroked over the label on the bottle. Facts played slowly into his mind about his new crutch. Reid knew what this drug would do to him, but for once logic stepped aside. Only the memories of the effect this liquid had on him enveloped his mind.

Slowly, he turned the lid, and then set the lid on the pale counter beneath him. To hell with the risk of any agent suddenly popping in to discover him in the midst of his addiction. None of that mattered. He had been looking forward to the fix, and he could only stop himself for so long. The second visit to just look longingly at the Dilaudid proved that. Reid needed help and he acknowledge that. With that new thought he quickly put the lid back on. Still holding the bottle his eyes shifted from it to the man in the mirror. He was actually considering getting a fix at work?! Yes, he thought, he truly needed help. Nodding in agreement with himself he unscrewed the lid once more. Reid had been standing in the cramped room for at least ten minutes now. Weighing his options he came to the conclusion of what he needed to do.

A trembling hand cradling the bottled contents, hovered over the slightly rusted sink. Small tears trickled down his pale cheek. After taking a choked breath he tilted the bottle and watched with shame as the Dilauded spilled out the small opening. As it flowed down the drain, he only felt slight relief. This was just but one bottle in his stash. He felt the craving for what hid behind ordinary objects found in his medicine cabinet.

Quickly he shoved the bottle and its lid into his bag, roughly forced the zipper shut, and turned to look at himself once more. Reid held up a sleeve covered hand and wiped away what dampness remained on his face. Trying to keep a steady pace once out the door of the restroom seemed at the time to be one of the most difficult things he had ever done. Somehow he shuffled towards his cubicle. From a distance he appeared, for the most part, his ordinary self.

Reid shifted his gaze to his feet to keep their movements in check. He only had a few more feet until he could sit down at his desk and the task grew more improbable with each step. This is when he ran straight into Agent Morgan. "Hey careful man… are you okay?"

Reid's head snapped up.

"I-I'm sorry." He stammered. Morgan watched his brown eyes, the same eyes who instantly averted contact.

"Reid, there is something wrong. I can see it. If you want to talk about something you have my phone number and my address. You know this."

Sighing he replied, "Normally I would have said it is none of your business…"

Trailing off he continued, "…but I need- I would like that."

He finished his sentence in a softer tone, praying this conversation would end.

"Alright. Call me later tonight, or come over and we can talk about it." Morgan flashed him an understanding and comforting smile. As he walked past him, he patted him on the back.

Dr. Reid sat down, blowing out a breath of relief. He lifted his eyes to watch Morgan's form turn down a hall and disappear from sight. No matter how many bottles of Dilaudid remained, with his courage and Morgan's help, he would learn to pour every single one out.


	2. Forgive me please

Disclaimer: I do not own 's note: I do not know why these paragraphs straighten in the final published piece. I apologize for this. I apologize for any errors or non-character like moments if there are any of these. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Also there will be one more part after this so stay tuned.

Word count: Approximately 866

Dr. Reid glanced down at the paper sitting on the passenger seat of his small car as he came to a halt at the stop sign. He reread the address even though he had previously memorized it. A few more blocks traveled and he would reach Derek Morgan's apartment located towards the middle of town.

-- Inside a cozy modern apartment nearly six blocks away, a set of deep brown eyes stared intensely at the coffee that seemed to be crawling out of the spout of the maker. Time had went slowly that evening for Morgan after he had received Reids call requesting a chat. He was surprised, worried and relieved all at the same time about prospect of the young Spencer Reid talking to him about his troubles.

-- Looking back up at the road, then both ways, he shuffled along down the darkened residential streets. Squinting up at a slightly lit porch, he continued to scan the addresses until he found the appropriate one. Once found he slowly pulled his vehicle into the driveway and parked it.

Reid was nervous as he had never been here before. More than that, he was starting to second guess his willingness to divulge his drug addiction to a fellow co-worker. Trusted friend or not, could he continue to believe that his hopes of possible help would actually happen?--

Morgan drug his eyes away from the coffee pot as the coffee was done now. He took two mugs from a nearby cabinet and poured an equal amount of coffee in each. Turning to a different cabinet he took out a jar of sugar and poured in a considerable amount in Reids mug. Eying the cup a second time, he shook in just a little more sugar to be sure.

He clutched the two mugs tightly as he headed to the living room. His mixed emotions from his day of work and Reids coming over were starting to exhaust him. It was only then he heard a door shut. He sat the two mugs down on the coffee table and moved towards the door in anticipation of the knock.

--

The door opened instantly to Reid who nearly did not have time to remove his hand away. "Hey kid."

"Hey."

"Come in. I made coffee."

Reid nodded twice and reluctantly entered Morgan's apartment. Once inside he never looked about but went directly to the medium sized maroon couch near the middle of the room. He carefully sat down on it and laced his fingers together. His eyes had a glazed look. He did not blink as he looked at nothing in particular.

Morgan followed suit and sat down in a recliner positioned near the sofa. His eyes fell on the frail figure occupying his couch. The form looked out of place sitting there. A distraught feeling enveloped him and seemed to be moving towards Morgan.

Morgan inched back in his seat, "So… Reid." Reid seemed lost in thought and did not acknowledge Morgan's voice.

"Spencer?" Morgan tried again, addressing him with his first name instead, but a little louder.

Reid lifted his eyes and refocused. He cleared his throat and Morgan pushed Reids cup over to him.

"Your coffee."

"Thanks." Reid looked down at it, picked it up, took a sip, and sat it down immediately.

"Reid what's going on man? You look really out of it. I just want to help…" He gently pried. "I know." Reid snapped then looked down.

"Uh…" Morgan frowned in concern.

"I'm sorry." He said in almost a whisper and fiddled with his hands again. "I came because I have a p-problem."

Morgan leaned forward. "That's why I'm here kid. To listen." He reached out and gave Reids shoulder a little squeeze which caused Reid to look up at him.

Pulling back Morgan continued, "You know what is said here stays here."

Reid nodded.

After a few long moments Reid took a deep breath and consciously went about recounting his experiences with Tobias Hankel while being kidnapped. With no emotion in his voice he told of the injections which resulted in his addiction. Pausing in between bits and pieces of his tale he collected his thoughts and persevered until the very last part leading up to the two visits into the men's restroom to look at his vice.

He averted his eyes for a moment then looked back at Morgan. Morgan by this time and stood up and moved over to the couch Reid was sitting on, sensing the ending drawing near to his story.

Reid took a very delayed second sip of coffee and then continued, "I was doing well. I-I poured it out."

His eyes were bright by now and his expression was a tormented one. Morgan was expression less as he studied Reids face.

"Then I went home. And I… I. I was doing so good. I."

Morgans heart shattered as he read the emotions on Reids face. Reids hands trembled and a tear slithered down his face as he choked out the next few words, "I slipped Derek. I just couldn't handle it. I was going to empty rest of my supply but then I shot up instead."


	3. It's all I can do

Disclaimer: I do not own anything. I do, however, own three seasons of this show on DVD. *wiggles eyebrows*

Authors note: Not sure what their homes would look like so I did not even begin to really describe any of it. Heh. Also don't know about the paragraph issue. And as a last note… I am so happy to be done with this story. Enjoy! Constructive criticism always welcome.

Morgan was speechless for a brief moment but quickly pulled himself together. Reid needed him now, and any sign of doubt could cause regrets on Reids behalf.

"Reid you can't be that hard on yourself. You made steps towards quitting. You poured out a bottle. You came here to talk to me about all of this. It won't end instantly. This isn't your fault."

Reid abruptly stood up from the couch nearly knocking over his coffee as he rose.

Pacing he launched himself into speech, "Not my fault??? Of course it is! I did not have to steal those remaining bottles off of Tobias. He was dead! What kind of person does that make me?! I could have just walked away and forgot about it all. Instead I sit around with nothing better to do than stick a needle in my arm and relive the past. I needed to pour out those bottles today yet somehow I manage to shoot up. I am too weak and can't even rid myself of those damn drugs!"

By now he was on the verge of hysterical. Morgan hurried to the desperate man and forced him to look at him. Reid reluctantly held still long enough to show his self to Morgan. Two wild and frightened eyes bore into Morgans, and Morgan swore he felt transparent.

"Reid listen to me! You were kidnapped by a psychotic man who had been abused his whole life. He had split personalities and the only way he knew to relieve his pain was to turn to drugs. He forced his suffering and his addiction on you. He did this to you. You are doing the right thing man. You are stronger than him, Gideon told you so. In your heart you know that's the truth. I will help you get through his. If that means dragging you to doctors, anything I will do it. I'm not going to leave you, ya got that?" His brows drew close together and he placed a comforting hand on Reid's shoulder.

Reid stammered something but gave up words as he wrapped his arms around Morgan in a weak embrace. Morgan held him close and wished he could take away the weight upon the young genius' shoulders.

Several moments passed by and Morgan turned to look at the person that clung to him. Said person felt tinier than Morgan had ever thought possible. Watching him, Morgan noticed how he looked paler than he had ever seen him before. He searched his mind for something, anything that he could do to ease the fight tearing Reid to pieces.

Reid eventually let go. He wrapped his arms protectively around his chest in attempt to minimize the shakes that were starting to grip his body.

"Reid did you bring a coat with you?" Startled from his thoughts Reid sat back down on the couch and peered up at Morgan questioningly, "No I forgot…why?"

"You can barrow one of mine. We are going to your place." Morgan would not reveal anymore information as to their purpose of going back to Reids, but instead promptly disappeared around a corner towards a closet.

Morgan returned shortly carrying a dark colored jacket for Reid. Handing it to Reid he said, "I want to help you get rid of your supply if you still want to. Then you can come here and bunk for the night on my couch."

He raised an eyebrow and waited for a reply, he did not know what else to do but at least give his body a rest from the shoot ups by getting rid of what he had left.

"I want to." Reid succinctly told Morgan as he put on the jacket Morgan let him barrow.

"Okay pretty boy lets go." With that they headed to Reids awaiting car in the drive way.

Morgan drove as the two of them sat in silence. Reid kept his head turned to watch out the window at his bleak surroundings. He almost chuckled at the irony that it had started to rain.

Morgan looked at his watch. The digital numbers had flicked to 11:20pm. "Is this it?" Morgan gestured to his left at a cottage like house withdrawn in the shadows.

Reid broke from his reveries and mumbled a "yes". They silently crept into the driveway and got out of the car once it was turned off.

Morgan and Reid picked their way down the gravel path up to the house. Once inside Morgan admired the sparse but stylish furniture. He decided that the vintage appeal was oddly comforting.

"This way." Reid discreetly said in those two words; 'follow me and I will show you my drug supply'.

Morgan watched him head towards his bathroom and sincerely hoped to himself he was doing the right thing.

Once inside Reid rolled up the sleeves of his much too big coat. With long pale fingers he opened up the medicine cabinet and moved around a few items before taking out four little glass bottles of Dilaudid. He sat them on the sink and drew in a deep breath. He gave Morgan an unsure look.

"it's okay Spencer, you can do this. That is why I am here." Chewing on his bottom lip, Reid nodded and slowly turned the lid of the first bottle. He titled it up and watched the liquid fall out in the sink, similar to the way it did the first time he felt the urge to pour out a bottle.

Two bottles and several reassuring gestures from Morgan later, Reid was down to the last of the Dilaudid.

"I can't." He exclaimed.

"You have to. You are so close Reid." Morgan stepped closer to him.

Reids eyes darted from Morgan, to the bottle, to his image in the mirror and back at the bottle. Closing his eyes he said a silent prayer and opened them again.

"Reid this is the last one, then you can move on and get professional help. You can get over this and I already promised you I will be here every step of the way."

Reid swallowed hard and took his time as he took off the lid to the last bottle in his stash. He watched the contents flow down the drain as the ones previous it, but with a silent despair that had not recently been there…as much.

He choked down a slight sob and accidentally dropped the bottle. It shattered in the sink. The shards made a hollow tinkle sound that was magnified in the room that had no other noises. Chasing off panic he turned to Morgan for answers.

"Come on kid, you did good, we can worry about this later."

A few minutes later they were again traveling in silence as they headed back to Morgan's place. Morgan was following through with having Reid stay over, he seen in the kids eyes that he was in no shape to be in his lonely house by himself.

Two blocks away from Morgan's the rain fell in torrents as Reid cleared his throat above the onslaught of noise. "Derek I want to thank you for what you've done for me. I'm not sure if anyone else I knew would. Even if they would, I don't know if they would follow through as you did. I am not sure where I… where I would be without you and what you did tonight. More than likely passed out on my bedroom floor again or worse." He slightly chuckled at his dark joke and Morgan inwardly cringed at the scenario Reid described.

"You're welcome. You can always turn to me. Always." Morgan smiled slightly over at Reid and then stared straight forward as he finished their journey back to his place.

--

The next morning Reid awoke to the smell of a fresh breakfast and what appeared to be coffee. He rubbed his eyes lazily and sat up. His hair was ruffled and flying out in all directions.

Taking in his surroundings he looked through the opening leading into the dinning room of Morgans apartment. Surveying the scene he seen bacon, eggs, toast, coffee and two plates on the table. Next to all of this was Morgan reading the newspaper and absent-mindedly chewing on a piece of bacon. Sensing Reids gaze, he looked up over the newspaper and made a funny face.

"Man you need to brush that hair. Seriously."

It was then that Morgan seen the brightest smile on the young doctor's face since he had met him.


End file.
